It was a warm Sunday afternoon, something suddenly disturbed my nap. Guess what? It was my mind regretting for everything it had done till date. I am sure you all would have done something in your life which you are not so proud of. And I am no different. One of my biggest regrets is that I never made my own decisions when I had to, instead just followed the crowd at different turning points in my life.

When I was a kid I used to play a game with my friends. The rules of the game were pretty simple, each one of us were allowed to imagine a character and enact that roll. I used to choose completely different characters every single time. I used to be an astronaut who travels the universe, a lawyer who brings justice to the innocent, a politician who leads people in the right direction and sometimes a beautiful dancer who feels her blood rushing in her veins rhythmically the moment she hears music. And one day I woke up and it was all over. I realized that real life is not what I imagined as a kid. It was filled with all kinds of people, good, bad, intelligent, dumb, strong, weak, rich, and poor, what not? I was disappointed for a really long time because the facts were too hard to digest. But before I could understand anything I was in my 10th class. Like every Indian student, I studied hard, day and night for almost a year. Actually this gave me good results and I cleared the boards with flying colors with a centum in Mathematics. But this piece of paper filled with few numbers which doesn’t define me decided what I had to do next in my life!

In India, a student’s life and their career choices are predictable. If you score 85% and above then you are supposed to take up science, if 70% and above, then commerce and if below 70% then arts. I just followed the herd of sheep and took science, though my heart was yelling at me asking me to take up arts. I was just too afraid to tell it out loud. Well, I was not at all prepared to take the risks associated with my choices or face the consequences.

Then came the biggest milestone in my life. It was my 12th boards. I knew I had to take my next step wisely because this would channelize my life ahead. But I tripped instead. My own emotions overwhelmed me. Fear of failure, self-doubt, lack of motivation, self-pity engulfed my soul and I was completely fragile. All I wanted was for someone to tell me what to do next! I peacefully choose the easy path and I was blindsided for years. With a lot of efforts I was finally done with my 12th and I ended up in engineering.

Engineering is not as fancy as Indian movies portray them. It’s a place where we can either do everything or nothing. I did both! In the beginning, I just went with the flow. I used to attend classes though I didn’t enjoy the subject and used to hang out with people I hardly knew. I immersed myself in all possible things and events which came across. I got into my college fashion team and trust me we had a blast. We bagged almost 16th first prizes in different competitions. And I was in the lime light for a while, but it faded before I even realized. People told me I should become a model or an actress, but was it something I wanted? Well, I didn’t know either. So basically, I was doing everything without getting anything or going anywhere.

Four years passed by and it felt like I just had taken a long nap. It was over, it was all over! I was an engineer but didn’t feel like one. Wasn’t I supposed to feel free? Happy? Relieved? Excited about my future? Well, all I felt was lost!

I used to sit in one place inside my home not doing anything for days and just thinking. After few introspection sessions with myself, I realized that I wanted to do something, yet I couldn’t figure out what it was. That’s when I decided to start exploring options around. I started reading books, talking to people, watching documentaries and videos, took some extract coaching classes. Within few days I got an internship at a startup. Though my boss treated me like trash, I liked my work as I was spending time learning instead of wasting. Few months passed by and one fine day something stuck me. Finally, I wanted to do something! And this time I knew what it was.

I took a day off from work and sat with my parents and told them bravely what I wanted. As always our opinions didn’t match. Usually, I used to give up after my parents convincing me that they know better, but this time I sat down grounded and my decision was deep rooted. After a few weeks of researching and convincing them with proofs, I finally did what I wanted.

Now, was I happy? Well, not really! I thought family was the only hurdle, but I was wrong. Listening to people’s demotivating talks over and over again is a lot depressing. We usually stop doing what we wanted and end up doing what the society feels is right for us! Auliq Ice, once said, “If you care about what people think about you, you will end up being their slave. Reject and pull your own rope.” And by now, I had learnt that, “The Art of Decision Making”. So, I shut those people from my mind and I continued to do what I intended to.

From then I haven’t stopped. It’s been a year since I took that bold step. Yes, I am living the life I chose and I am content, but the fact is, life is not easy whether you decide what you want or someone decides it for you. It puts us in a catch 22 situation and it screws us no matter which option we choose. Instead of regretting we should start seeing the bright side of life. Whenever we see a successful person we need to understand that, once he made a courageous decision. And the best part of making your own decisions is that, no matter if you fail in life or succeed, you can wake up every single morning and look at your face in the mirror without regrets!

PS: “The decision is your own voice, an opinion is the echo of someone else’s voice.” ― Amit Kalantri