Dressed in crisp white shirt with black skinny pant and a pair of blue stilettos, I stood there in front of the mirror whining about my long voluminous curly hair. I was continuously arguing with myself, one part of me said, “I look bad” and the other part of me said, “It doesn’t matter, you have no guy to impress anyway”! After constant effort of making myself look good, I gave up! I walked out of the room and the first compliment I get from my maid, “Isn’t it too reveling?” Thanks to her for pumping more confidence in me!

On my way to the café, to my surprise, I got a lot of attention from the ladies. Soon, my destination was on my left. My lovely friend dressed in her spiffing deep green silk kurta, tranquilly quaffed her Kashmiri tea. We greeted each other with a warm hug.

I sat there, aimlessly-staring at the menu card. My mind was belligerently wandering. I realized that this era, using numerous jargons, needed edification! Misogyny, patriarchy, equality, chauvinism, feminism and million other “-ism’s” were haphazardly used even without comprehending the meaning of these words. We get captivated into believing these society’s misinterpreted meanings!

Equality is not a tangible asset which could be given but a feeling that comes from within. Hence, when we urge for equality, we are asking “someone” to feel for us in a certain way. Well, do we treat us the same way? How many times have you doubted yourself looking at the weights in the gym, thinking, can I really bench press like him? Or have you stopped yourself from applying for a job because it’s not for girls? Or have you stepped back from an argument because females ought to manifest politeness? No such rules dictate gender vantage. This bias is just in one’s head! One can blame these insecurities on the societal conditioning but when will one truly shoulder this responsibility? We, as women voice our problems and complains but how many really endeavor to seek cogent solutions?

If anyone shuns you doing something because you are a woman then don’t give a shit! But if you think you can’t do something because you are a woman then this article is for you!

My friend’s squeaky voice brought me back to our conversation. She told me that she wants to change her job. I asked her, “why?”. She had found out that her peer who had the same education and work experience was being paid more than her due to his gender. I inquired if anyone told this to her, but her blatant vacuous revert, “it’s obvious and I know!” made me flummoxed. Well, I opined her to be vocal about this to her manager and ask for an equal pay. But she chose to quit as she felt her manager would show deaf ears as he was a man too! But the burning question is, “was he really being biased?” Well, we will never know!

On my way back home, these thoughts haunted and engulfed me again. Yes, there are innumerable challenges and issues that women face that concern physical and mental health. Problems like lack of education, improper health facilities, gender discrimination, gender pay gap, inequal rights, rape, sexual harassment, dowry-related problems, domestic violence and others still persists. But on the flipside, women are also victims of their own thoughts!

When will we start seeing “women problems” as just “problems”? Why do we bucket ourselves and then complain when others do? Don’t get me wrong, I am not showing apathy towards feminism nor am I trying to say that there is no problem in our society. All I am asking my dear ladies is to contemplate.

 Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

 Life is a series of decisions and every decision has a resultant. Sometimes the results are what you hoped for and sometimes they aren’t! So, every time you encounter a problem; take a pause and think how do I solve this, instead of whining about it. You always have a choice, you can either ignore it or choose to deal with it. My friend decided to ignore unequal pay than deal with it. I am not saying she is wrong; all I am saying is she made a choice.

So, my dear ladies, it’s time to stand up and stop victimizing ourselves. At the end of the day, we all should stop seeing the world as him & her, and start seeing the world as you, me & us.